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The void in our humanity absolves us of our sins. - Garmonbozia [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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The void in our humanity absolves us of our sins. [Aug. 21st, 2015|01:36 am]
I'm in mourning. I have my second theatrical production under my belt now - not just as an actor this time, but having been more involved in the devising process. It was beautiful, difficult, worrying... ultimately worth it. I'm so proud of my Grim North family. We may not be the closest friends, they may not even know how much I enjoy their company, but they are the most satisfying people to spend time with for me. Not to play down the importance of closer friends, but although they are wonderful and loving, I do feel the void sometimes. They support me, but don't quite occupy the same head-space. Which is fine, of course - you don't want everyone to be in your head-space all the time.

My point is that I really feel like I can breathe out with GN folk. I'm not holding back. We all have this energy to create something together, to leave our realities behind while we reach for others. I feel truly bonded with them, especially in the wings during a show - breathing deeply together, laughing together, wishing each other well - they get closer than I allow almost anyone to get to me lately. It's both terrifying and relieving.

But now this one is over and there's a gap until we start again in September. I keep reviewing my situation though. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there's an urge to just take off somewhere new again. Not that I'm in the best situation to do that right now anyway. I'll probably do it one day, but not this year, not yet. I could move and move again, but I'll probably still take my troubles with me. It's time to bring out the things that I've been sweeping under the rug, one by one, and decide what to do with them.

[User Picture]From: badfreddy
2015-08-27 12:10 pm (UTC)
l bet you are great at this. lv let my creative drive slide recently, mainly due to 'real life' bollocks. we all need less of that. Been trying to make my way to Dismaland to meet a man who burnt a million quid for art. I can respect people like that. ha
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[User Picture]From: plushy
2016-07-17 09:23 pm (UTC)
Was that the KLF? I watched a short video about that. Did you make it there?
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[User Picture]From: badfreddy
2016-07-20 11:59 am (UTC)
No i didn't eventually because when they released tickets l wasn't quick enough with my brain to mouse-click reflex's.

Yes, the KLF, Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond. I met Bill at a lecture he gave at the Trinity Church on Chapel st. I talked to him for a bit but didn't ask about the money burning.. l just knew that he would probably be sick of being asked about it. He gave me his book '17' and signed it.. l didnt look at what he'd written in until later and he wrote 'Get well soon, love bill' ha
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